The Weird Kid
Thursday, October 2, 2008
The Passion of the Kid
When I talk to a family member on the phone, weird thing happens. My voice goes all deep and monotone; words weighed down by physical weight. I cannot inject life into it.
I tried, last time. To sound interested, interesting. Concerned, happy. All those things I can do naturally with strangers and friends. The result was grotesque. Like a 9 year old reading a part in a play against their will. My voice not rising and falling but plodding upwards, stomping downwards.
And I thought, god, no wonder they don't like to talk to me.
But, if I let myself go into the conversation, if I turned off the automatic pilot, wow, then they'd really hate me. There is passion in me but it's more of the crucifixion kind.
Oh, I'm sliding back down that slope, that slippery casual-observation hill, that terminates in a rancid raging self-pitying gully.
Splash!
Next post, something good and truthful about...them.
I tried, last time. To sound interested, interesting. Concerned, happy. All those things I can do naturally with strangers and friends. The result was grotesque. Like a 9 year old reading a part in a play against their will. My voice not rising and falling but plodding upwards, stomping downwards.
And I thought, god, no wonder they don't like to talk to me.
But, if I let myself go into the conversation, if I turned off the automatic pilot, wow, then they'd really hate me. There is passion in me but it's more of the crucifixion kind.
Oh, I'm sliding back down that slope, that slippery casual-observation hill, that terminates in a rancid raging self-pitying gully.
Splash!
Next post, something good and truthful about...them.
posted by Imez at 10:21 AM
7 Comments:
"Bueller?
Bueller?
Bueller?"
Would they really hate you if you actually turned off the disinterested monotonous voice?
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miss- let me be clearer. Imagine Ben Stein suddenly leaping on the nearest student, clawing their face and screaming, "I hate you I hate you I'll eat you." I bet those students would prefer a disinterested monotone.
regarding your comment on my post, send me your email address and I'll send you the picture, I have more than one. If you can't print it, put it on a data stick and take it to Walgreens or Walmart or whatever is in your area and have them print it for you. I love your idea!
I look forward to it. :)
Hmmm.. You have a point there. No one wants Ben Stein clawing at their faces or maybe threatening to squeeze Visine into their eyes. At least they hope it's just Visine...
A shrink would call this "lack of affect." (That's a flat a: AF-fect.) So the question might be...what are you afraid to reveal to your family members? Or...what is your relationship with your family members like in general? Or...what's that about? ;)
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