The Weird Kid
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I HATE PORN
I remember, when I was 12, seeing a dirty magazine and feeling absolutely dizzy from the presence of sex. It was a good feeling.
As soon as I threw off the belief that sex and my desire for it was sinful, I proudly embraced pornography. This was necessary as I have only ever been with Sean and only want to be with Sean. Pornographies are travel brochures of places you won't go but still like to know about.
I have seen dirty movies from every decade since the 1920's. I have seen dirty photographs dating from the Civil War, have a collection of dirty Victorian books, and met my limit with the Marquis De Sade because pooping and dead children just aren't sexy. My husband set me up folders on the computer containing snippets of internet porn I selected. Group sex, gay sex, playful bondage, hairy retro porn. There was so much to see.
Yesterday I watched a video of a fat woman, looking confused, masturbating for the camera on her computer. She wasn't doing it to pleasure herself. She was doing it because someone told her to. And now hundreds of people were logging in to laugh at her every day. I felt so goddamn sorry for her. And that was it. I realized.
I hate porn.
I HATE PORN.
I have been looking for that same rush I got from the idea of sex, the same I felt when I was 15. So I kept searching and collecting. But....I just hate it.
-I hate semi-professional porn, with it's harsh lighting and shaved genitals marked with pimples and ingrown hairs.
-I hate the penis' that are stiff but still flop because the man had his tendon's cut.
- I hate close-ups of penetration. It is ugly and clinical.
-I hate how painful fake breasts look.
- I hate that smearing a girl with ejaculate is supposed to be the best part.
-I hate how BORING it all is.
-I hate amateur porn posted by exhibitionists; their wanting everyone to see takes away it's eroticism.
-I hate soft-core Cinemax porn, ugly bodies popped out of plastic mold, bumping around in an expensive bed. Nothing about that is entertaining.
-I hate I HATE that it is so obvious the women in porn aren't having fun. They're doing their job, or they're trying to make a man happy. And the men who make it and watch it, don't care. It doesn't turn men off, not even my own dear husband. They don't care that it's likely she's disgusted by a stranger's ejaculate on her face and in her mouth, or too doped up to mind.
How could this happen? What happened? When did my sex drive leave the arena it was so comfortable in?
So now what is sexy?
As soon as I threw off the belief that sex and my desire for it was sinful, I proudly embraced pornography. This was necessary as I have only ever been with Sean and only want to be with Sean. Pornographies are travel brochures of places you won't go but still like to know about.
I have seen dirty movies from every decade since the 1920's. I have seen dirty photographs dating from the Civil War, have a collection of dirty Victorian books, and met my limit with the Marquis De Sade because pooping and dead children just aren't sexy. My husband set me up folders on the computer containing snippets of internet porn I selected. Group sex, gay sex, playful bondage, hairy retro porn. There was so much to see.
Yesterday I watched a video of a fat woman, looking confused, masturbating for the camera on her computer. She wasn't doing it to pleasure herself. She was doing it because someone told her to. And now hundreds of people were logging in to laugh at her every day. I felt so goddamn sorry for her. And that was it. I realized.
I hate porn.
I HATE PORN.
I have been looking for that same rush I got from the idea of sex, the same I felt when I was 15. So I kept searching and collecting. But....I just hate it.
-I hate semi-professional porn, with it's harsh lighting and shaved genitals marked with pimples and ingrown hairs.
-I hate the penis' that are stiff but still flop because the man had his tendon's cut.
- I hate close-ups of penetration. It is ugly and clinical.
-I hate how painful fake breasts look.
- I hate that smearing a girl with ejaculate is supposed to be the best part.
-I hate how BORING it all is.
-I hate amateur porn posted by exhibitionists; their wanting everyone to see takes away it's eroticism.
-I hate soft-core Cinemax porn, ugly bodies popped out of plastic mold, bumping around in an expensive bed. Nothing about that is entertaining.
-I hate I HATE that it is so obvious the women in porn aren't having fun. They're doing their job, or they're trying to make a man happy. And the men who make it and watch it, don't care. It doesn't turn men off, not even my own dear husband. They don't care that it's likely she's disgusted by a stranger's ejaculate on her face and in her mouth, or too doped up to mind.
How could this happen? What happened? When did my sex drive leave the arena it was so comfortable in?
So now what is sexy?
posted by Imez at 12:58 PM
10 Comments:
I hate porn, too. Give me a good erotic story and my own imagination, any day! Being celibate for over 5 years leads one to get creative (if you know what I mean).
Porn is boring. Now that you've pointed out the craptastic sadistic moments captured in porn it makes me hate it. It's so degrading.
Perhaps you've just evolved. Now you're looking for the next best thing that isn't ignominious.
I think it just shows a natural growth within yourself.
Tastes change. Ideas change. We evolve and change. Self-reflection is a great thing.
Oh, and I need you to stop by my page...I left you something. :)
Porn became even more bothersome to me when i had a daughter.
But it is an incredibly huge industry. I wonder about us when i think about that.
fancy- Totally. long marriages lead to the same creativity.
miss- I have to look up what exactly ignominious is but I'm sure I am going to want to avoid it.
sass-It doesn't feel quite like growth because I haven't achieved a high quality replacement. Thank you for the award. I'm really grateful.
meno- What it says about "Them." No, that's not true. My theory is that sex can in every way be paralleled to food. Another appetite to gorge and glorify for money.
I think I want to like it, but it takes ages to find something that doesn't include all that junk you listed. And let me include these: bjs and anal. As you say, gagging and pained expressions? Not so much.
I found an online video once of a guy filming a popular make-up bench in a remote area of a city park. It was a short video, and only one couple, and no intercourse, but something about it was so perfectly erotic. One video, out of 10 million. Guess I won the lottery there.
I think you're watching the wrong porn. You need to find one of the old "Jane's World" videos. It's just a bunch of friends (with benefits) running around, filming their exploits. The best part is that you can tell they're all really enjoying themselves.
This kind of touches on my post where I was just ranting about vampires making a re-emergence in our pop culture. I hate how our culture is so quick to associate sex with violence and objectifying women.
nothing will shut down my sex drive faster than porn. You articulated every reason why.
Is it your drive that left, or something else? Or maybe something new has arrived?
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