The Weird Kid
Sunday, July 20, 2008
The first time
I am glad
I had
No Internet
Until I was around 18 years old, I had an intense, all absorbing fantasy life. I lived inside it as much as possible, whenever I was alone. Sometimes I think getting too old to enjoy it was one of the things that made my mind go bunky.
Anyways, I had, from about 13 on, and imaginary boyfriend. He morphed a little as the years changed. But he was always: full grown, unusually tall, quiet and contemplative, and attracted to me as if to an addiction. I was always my own age.
He and I lived in a number of isolated homes over the years. No one, honest to god, understood our love. We were very poor in a New York apartment when I was 14. We spent our days hunkered on the pull out couch, eating ice cream, having clutching, gasping sex, and watching television. That was my fantasy, friends. My fantasy involved unemployment and television.
Later he became ghastly wealthy, and we lived in an ancient Victorian, buried in vegetation on top of a mountain he owned. We spent our days re-enacting scenes from Calvin in Hobbes (I was Calvin) and Bloom County.
This is all a very round about way to get to my question. It occurs to me, if, at 14, I had a chance to find a real version of my quiet, misunderstood man, via the internet, I would have taken it and never looked back. Delivered myself to anyone who would take me. The fact that whatever man who would be attracted to me at 14 made him strange wouldn't have occurred to me, ever. I was weird and lonely, searching out he who'd understand.
But there was no internet.
This is my first memory of anybody mentioning something that was probably America Online: Some commercial, in the early early 1990's, of a family talking about how useful this computer service could be. All I really remember of the commercial is the father saying, "Does anyone else thing sports players and hugely overpaid?" indicating that if you did, you could write about it and find others like you on your computer.
The first time I used the internet I was a Junior in high school. 1995? It was a friend's account. I immediately started a chat with someone from The Netherlands. I called myself, "Cool Beans." And the whole time, adreneline was splashing through me; I felt drunk and nearly out of control. All I could think about, through the day, was getting another chance to go back on the computer and see if the men I talked to had left a message for me. It would be like a 17 year old boy suddenly stumbling across a Light Saber that worked. Fantasy to reality, holy shite.
Thank GOD I was 19 before I got my own connection. I was too tired and screwed up by then to run off with strangers. Although I did meet my husband via the internet when I was 20. Huh.
Round about? Oh yes.
It's just so weird in my own memory. It's like, I woke up, this incredible technology existed for every-day personal use. How did something as enormous and life altering as the Internet slip under my radar?
Now here's the question.
Can you remember the first time you used the internet? Can you remember the first time you heard about it? What was it like? Did it blow your mind or was it just another advancement, like your first car with power windows instead or roll ups?
I had
No Internet
Until I was around 18 years old, I had an intense, all absorbing fantasy life. I lived inside it as much as possible, whenever I was alone. Sometimes I think getting too old to enjoy it was one of the things that made my mind go bunky.
Anyways, I had, from about 13 on, and imaginary boyfriend. He morphed a little as the years changed. But he was always: full grown, unusually tall, quiet and contemplative, and attracted to me as if to an addiction. I was always my own age.
He and I lived in a number of isolated homes over the years. No one, honest to god, understood our love. We were very poor in a New York apartment when I was 14. We spent our days hunkered on the pull out couch, eating ice cream, having clutching, gasping sex, and watching television. That was my fantasy, friends. My fantasy involved unemployment and television.
Later he became ghastly wealthy, and we lived in an ancient Victorian, buried in vegetation on top of a mountain he owned. We spent our days re-enacting scenes from Calvin in Hobbes (I was Calvin) and Bloom County.
This is all a very round about way to get to my question. It occurs to me, if, at 14, I had a chance to find a real version of my quiet, misunderstood man, via the internet, I would have taken it and never looked back. Delivered myself to anyone who would take me. The fact that whatever man who would be attracted to me at 14 made him strange wouldn't have occurred to me, ever. I was weird and lonely, searching out he who'd understand.
But there was no internet.
This is my first memory of anybody mentioning something that was probably America Online: Some commercial, in the early early 1990's, of a family talking about how useful this computer service could be. All I really remember of the commercial is the father saying, "Does anyone else thing sports players and hugely overpaid?" indicating that if you did, you could write about it and find others like you on your computer.
The first time I used the internet I was a Junior in high school. 1995? It was a friend's account. I immediately started a chat with someone from The Netherlands. I called myself, "Cool Beans." And the whole time, adreneline was splashing through me; I felt drunk and nearly out of control. All I could think about, through the day, was getting another chance to go back on the computer and see if the men I talked to had left a message for me. It would be like a 17 year old boy suddenly stumbling across a Light Saber that worked. Fantasy to reality, holy shite.
Thank GOD I was 19 before I got my own connection. I was too tired and screwed up by then to run off with strangers. Although I did meet my husband via the internet when I was 20. Huh.
Round about? Oh yes.
It's just so weird in my own memory. It's like, I woke up, this incredible technology existed for every-day personal use. How did something as enormous and life altering as the Internet slip under my radar?
Now here's the question.
Can you remember the first time you used the internet? Can you remember the first time you heard about it? What was it like? Did it blow your mind or was it just another advancement, like your first car with power windows instead or roll ups?
posted by Imez at 1:47 PM
7 Comments:
Wow, I really had to think about that. The first time I'd heard of the internet where I actually understood what it was all about was the late 80's. Hubby decided to get one for the house, so off we went to Sears and bought our first computer. And our ISP was Prodigy. Does anybody remember Prodigy? We got one year free service included with the purchase.
I didn't give a hoot about email to be honest. As soon as I learned that I could shop online I was all for getting one. And that's exactly the very first thing I did after we got it all hooked up. Eventually we switched to AOL, much like everyone else and I got acquainted with email and chat rooms, but that was several years later.
BTW, JCPenney was one of the first stores to offer online shopping and I got myself some socks.
I keep trying to remember when i first used the interwebs. I honestly have no idea.
We got our first computer in 1982. It had a 5" screen, used single-sided, single-density disks and cost $2k. It was called portable, but only if you were really really strong.
I probably started really using the internet regularly around 1995. I think.
twisted- you were on the internet in the late 80's? What was it like back then?
meno- What in the world did you guys use a computer for in 1982? I thought back then all they could do was addition and subtraction.
let's see...if my memory is right..which is iffy at best..the first time I used one to surf the web was back in 98! I had used computers back in the 80's for work stuff but nothing really fun...just banking stuff. I was eally scared to use it when we finally bought one. I thought if I hit the wrong button it would blow up or something. I would watch my daughter giggling while she was surfing and in chat rooms and it got me curious. So, at her urging....i got an email acct and the rest, as they say.. is history...
I'm with you though..if this had been available when I was a teen...whoa nellie....I would have so gotten in trouble!!!! Lord knows where I'd be right now. lol
We got our first TRS-80 in 1980, and I learned how to program in Basic. My mom also taught my brothers and me how to type on it. It was like an enormous typewriter.
My first internet experience was in 1991 or 92. I was home for xmas and I logged on to some innocuous chat room under my mom's account: northwestyankee. Immediately I started ragging on the people for being lame-ass computer chatters and some guy picked up on it and begged me in some kind of pop-up window thing to private chat with me. He wanted me to be all dominatrix-y and talk about how I would kick his ass and what a dork he was. I was happy to oblige, until it suddenly dawned on me what the hell I was doing. And that was my first and last chat-room experience. But I continued to play on the internet whenever possible. I was addicted immediately
Oh, and by the way, I was being a total asshole to those chat room people. I was perhaps an early troll.
Hi! First visit to your blog. I love the way you write, so refreshing.
I was raised without the internet because my lunatic stepdad thought it was from the devil. The first time I used it was at boarding school freshman year, I think that was 2002, and the only thing I did was email a few people and type stories on Microsoft. That was exciting enough for me since I had always used a typewriter until then. I didn't seriously start using the internet until I got this job I have now...and I can't imagine what I ever did without it. :)
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