The Weird Kid
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
There it goes
Do you remember the instance in which you realized you weren't young anymore?
How sad were you?
My first hint of it came when I realized MTV wasn't interested in me anymore, their shows weren't targeting my decrepit 25 years. But that wasn't too bad. Realizing you aren't a child isn't the same as realizing you aren't young.
But now it is coming on for real. Clothes, There now exists clothes I am too old to wear without looking desperate for something. Hairstyles, too. But I don't want to wear them. That's the strangest part.
I always used to wonder, "Why do those women buys those undefined, bland blouses, when the cool blouses are in the next store over? Right there! They could have them, no one is stopping them!"
I don't have a good answer for that yet. Except it feels like less of me needs to be explained through my clothes.
New rock and roll can feel too angry now, too thin and sheer, too sexualized. I want Lorena McKennitt mourning and coaxing back an old, forgotten way of life, Cocteau Twins filling up an etheral space. Even Roy Acuff and his tinny, trembling sadness, even on the happy songs.
Do we let go of our youth gracefully, happily, with relief? Is it a freedom?
How sad were you?
My first hint of it came when I realized MTV wasn't interested in me anymore, their shows weren't targeting my decrepit 25 years. But that wasn't too bad. Realizing you aren't a child isn't the same as realizing you aren't young.
But now it is coming on for real. Clothes, There now exists clothes I am too old to wear without looking desperate for something. Hairstyles, too. But I don't want to wear them. That's the strangest part.
I always used to wonder, "Why do those women buys those undefined, bland blouses, when the cool blouses are in the next store over? Right there! They could have them, no one is stopping them!"
I don't have a good answer for that yet. Except it feels like less of me needs to be explained through my clothes.
New rock and roll can feel too angry now, too thin and sheer, too sexualized. I want Lorena McKennitt mourning and coaxing back an old, forgotten way of life, Cocteau Twins filling up an etheral space. Even Roy Acuff and his tinny, trembling sadness, even on the happy songs.
Do we let go of our youth gracefully, happily, with relief? Is it a freedom?
posted by Imez at 1:38 PM
10 Comments:
Oh, I had that moment a LONG time ago. Mostly because I idolized the Olympic gymnasts. Then, one year in high school, I realized I was TOO OLD. It would never happen for me.
sigh.
I have reconciled myself to the fact that I prefer not to have stunted my growth nor grown enormous thighs.
I didn't really feel much about getting old until i reached 45. Then, looking in the mirror, i could no longer deny that it was a crabby middle-aged woman who was looking back at me.
I feel, while the exterior is showing some wear and tear, my guts and brains are in their prime.
It's probably my ego speaking, but like you, when I see those clothes, those videos, hear that music, I usually just think, "That's crap. I don't like it now, and wouldn't like it when I was 17." I don't think we don't get it anymore, I think we get so much more, that the juvenile stuff feels incomplete. See? Totally ego talking. (Apparently my ego didn't learn much in that speech and debate class sophomore year.)
Anyway, to more specifically answer your question, I noticed lines around my eyes last year and a tendency to drive under the speed limit this year. So you got that to look forward to, at 35/36.
princess- no, that just isn't the same. Of course for all I know you're 19 and that's the best you have to offer.
meno- You seem like the kind of girl who'd be taken by surprise by that, because you don't seem the type to spend much time worrying about that sort of thing.
mignon- Oh mignon you always get me. Incomplete, yeah, that's exactly how it feels.
It's...it's not the ageing thing I have given consideration to. I actually love to be around elders, I love any of the wisdom, experience, tales they have to tell, the humor!!
The quiet knowing they seem to have.
I really enjoy my personal maturing, I was a mess as a kid, I didn't realise it at the time, thought my world was everyone's world? (It isn't!/wasn't, ha).
No, I am so glad to be where I am now, sweet jesus it is so good, so peaceful, so great. So, no, there hasn't been an instant awareness of ageing, the passion for life just took off and I try to keep up, I never thought I would get this far. If that makes sense.
Pam
I haven't noticed it yet. While the wrinkles set in, the stretchmarks become permanent, and anyone under 25 looks 15 to me, I still find moments that make me feel like a baby. Wonderful new music is still being made; just don't go near a radio. I won't dye my hair green anymore, but I will certainly shell out money I don't have for a cute cut. But I'm also not fool enough to pretend mourning for my youth isn't coming for me. I was so angry as a young woman; I'm just starting to enjoy this ride.
Frankly, I"m much happier at 42 than I've ever been. Maybe it's because now I don't give a shit what other people think. I may worry about it now and then, but it doesn't bug me. I think when I had my oldest son (who is now 10) that started. I just don't have the time to worry about what other people think about me.
Though I draw the line at wearing red and purple. I'm not that old, ha ha.
Oh baby, you've such a long way to go. I've been lamenting the long face for the past five years. My hands and face do not match my head or my heart. When men who are much older approach me and give me the once over, well it's not flattering as it was once upon a time.
Shit, Imez - you've got a WAYS to go. I'm tellin' ya, I'm 40 and just getting warmed up! You've got tons of time and thirty is NOTHING. Look at Oprah! Helen Mirren! Susan Sarandon!
But yes, I remember talking about a Duran Duran song during lunch one day and a chipper youngun asked, "who's Duran Duran". SHUT THE F UP. Ugh. Kids today!
I don't look at it as letting something go as much as I see myself embracing other, new things. (Like Dentucreme and IcyHot, JK.) I don't remember the moment, but I do notice that I no longer attract young men; they barely give me a glance; it's mostly old farts, nowadays...LOL
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