The Weird Kid
Sunday, August 31, 2008
I will poop in the woods.
Sean hasn't had a work vacation in two years, not counting the time off for Smudge's birth which, I'd like to say, wasn't at all vacationy. It was screamy and scary and overwhelming.
Anyway.
Tonight we start the first leg of an awful, awful family vacation which has to be. Sean and I will be apart for two weeks, Smudge will be away from us for one week each (we trade her off on Sunday, without even seeing each other). It's complicated. It involves weddings and duties to old friends and a couple different states and cars needing driving across the whole goddamn country.
So I'll be out for awhile.
I really hope that maid of honor dress fits. I quit all medication two months ago, and well...cookies helped the transition. Cookies and lying face down and accusing random people.
I really hope I don't see Smudge's face as I walk away from her in the airport. Fuck.
I really hope...no, forget that. I know, know I was a moron to organize a camping trip with my family (the one I came out of). I just...shouldn't have done that. Even if you're getting a stick shoved up your rear in the most bucolic setting, baby, you're still getting a stick up your rear.
I refuse to poop in those campground outhouses. They terrify me. The stench and the blackness under the filthy rim and sounds....what is down there? I will poop in the woods.
I hope nothing bad happens while waiting in the Greyhound hub in Philadelphia, or on the Greyhound. Never been.
I hope the wedding toast I give in front of 120 wealthy wasps in New England will be shimmering and everyone will chuckle and I won't shake while I do it, nor accidently mention the time the bride had a threesome in Italy.
There is more. But...see you on the flip side.
Anyway.
Tonight we start the first leg of an awful, awful family vacation which has to be. Sean and I will be apart for two weeks, Smudge will be away from us for one week each (we trade her off on Sunday, without even seeing each other). It's complicated. It involves weddings and duties to old friends and a couple different states and cars needing driving across the whole goddamn country.
So I'll be out for awhile.
I really hope that maid of honor dress fits. I quit all medication two months ago, and well...cookies helped the transition. Cookies and lying face down and accusing random people.
I really hope I don't see Smudge's face as I walk away from her in the airport. Fuck.
I really hope...no, forget that. I know, know I was a moron to organize a camping trip with my family (the one I came out of). I just...shouldn't have done that. Even if you're getting a stick shoved up your rear in the most bucolic setting, baby, you're still getting a stick up your rear.
I refuse to poop in those campground outhouses. They terrify me. The stench and the blackness under the filthy rim and sounds....what is down there? I will poop in the woods.
I hope nothing bad happens while waiting in the Greyhound hub in Philadelphia, or on the Greyhound. Never been.
I hope the wedding toast I give in front of 120 wealthy wasps in New England will be shimmering and everyone will chuckle and I won't shake while I do it, nor accidently mention the time the bride had a threesome in Italy.
There is more. But...see you on the flip side.
posted by Imez at 12:08 PM
5 Comments:
LOL.
Enjoy your overdue vacation!!!
I can understand the scary camping ground toilets. I'd much rather poop in the woods. I hope your holiday isn't as hectic as you think it will be. As for the wedding, Drink plenty of champagne, be beautiful glittering and wild.
Doesn't sound like much of a vacation, at least parts of it.
To say "Have fun" is just not right.
Endure.
I'm not good with bathroom stuff and camping either.
Ech. Campground outhouses. Having icky Girl SCout flashbacks now. ;^) Good luck!
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