The Weird Kid
Sunday, December 7, 2008
How do you People DO THIS????
I have been cheerful on this blog for a really, really long time now.
This is the picture of it. Of me writing my blog now.
Head down alongside the keyboard, single finger morosely punching keys. "i....like....sushi...and...stuff."
Meanwhile emails to friends have become long and inflamed. Forty pages on Thanksgiving alone...with sentences like, "cats don't even EAT fucking OLIVES!!!" and "I didn't see that last pile of her filthy underwear until Smudge was already in it."
Therapist says, "You only accept your darkness. You need to let your light live!"
My light. My Light. MY LIGHT. Where is it?
Yes. Give my true lighted self the chance, and she shall pee rainbows.
Poop leprechauns.
Dammit.
How do you people DO THIS?
I will have completed my pledge to myself to be....cheerfuller... at the end of December. It is important to see it through.
So.
I wait.
Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of January.
This is the picture of it. Of me writing my blog now.
Head down alongside the keyboard, single finger morosely punching keys. "i....like....sushi...and...stuff."
Meanwhile emails to friends have become long and inflamed. Forty pages on Thanksgiving alone...with sentences like, "cats don't even EAT fucking OLIVES!!!" and "I didn't see that last pile of her filthy underwear until Smudge was already in it."
Therapist says, "You only accept your darkness. You need to let your light live!"
My light. My Light. MY LIGHT. Where is it?
Yes. Give my true lighted self the chance, and she shall pee rainbows.
Poop leprechauns.
Dammit.
How do you people DO THIS?
I will have completed my pledge to myself to be....cheerfuller... at the end of December. It is important to see it through.
So.
I wait.
Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of January.
posted by Imez at 12:58 PM
11 Comments:
Life coach meno says it's okay to give up on committments made in error or in haste.
Besides, What is there to be cheerful ABOUT?
meno - You'd make a killing working a suicide hotline, girlie.
Oh, don't kid yourself, I still see plenty of darkness seeping through the cracks of your cheerfulness. Like when I try and write thought-provoking, introspective angst, I know you can still see me smiling. UGH! We are who we are, Imez.
forceed cheer ain't no cheer at all.
Be yourself love. Challenge yourself to do things that you like, including being a fine tuned cynic.
I never trust anything that is cheereful all the time. I always wonder People with
Imez, some of us DO pee rainbows (god I love that visualization; reminds me of this sweet old man I knew once who gave every one he met nick-names based on their personalities. I was "Sparkle Plenty". yeah.) and, as Jill said, WE stuggle to write deep, thought-provoking posts.
Look, the world needs both: sunshine AND darkness. I'm not sure you need to try to be something you just aren't.
Don't funny things happen to you? I guess when things happen to me, I process the funny bits as if I were going to retell them to a friend, and I process the bad bits deep down in my guts. You must be the opposite.
jill- "smiling" and "thought-provoking" don't exclude each other.
lu- not forced...just skimming the top which feel unnatural. But I love you forever for such a compliment as "finely tuned cynic"
kate- I've asked my therapist to help me be happy with who I am and she says there is no way I'm supposed to be who I am. Also, Sparkle Plenty makes me think of pee, too, for no apparent reason.
mignon- hey. I'm funny. This post was funny. I'm just funny/angry. Fungry.
Hhhmmmmm....are you attached to this therapist??
Yeah, not what I meant to say. It sounded like I was calling you a big bag of negative sad stuff. All I meant to say was that some people (me?) hold on to funny anecdotes strictly for the sake of retelling them. Or else I hold on to odd anecdotes and frame them in my mind so that they are funny in the retelling.
And this post? Definitely angry with a hint of *snort* kind of funny. Are you a laugh-a-lot kind of person? I admit I don't know/can't tell this about you. Does your therapist mean light-heartedness?
sometimes when i write the sad/angry/coming-apart-at-the-seams posts, i feel better after writing everything down. and then i decide i don't want some things floating around on the interwebs, so i don't post it, or i un-post it or whatever.
i don't pee rainbows. i just edit out the rainclouds. sometimes.
not saying you should do this. just explaining why it may appear that some of us are more chipper.
Would it help to know I cried in the car today on the way home from trying on bras?
I don't do very well posting about my sad or angry stuff - though I'm trying to improve and frankly, it's pretty much why I started a blog. I hold everything in too much. WAY too much. It ain't healthy.
So, at least there's that. You're letting it out. And here we are, loving it. Let it be.
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