The Weird Kid
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Hobby
When my mother comes to believe a family member likes something, she will buy them different representations of that thing forever and ever. I cannot make her understand that I don't collect Winnie The Pooh anymore.
Besides the point.
My sister-in-law likes frogs. And she is a perfect match for my mother, because she is willing to accept frogs, forever and ever. As a result, many of my own birthday and Christmas gifts are frog-related, perfectly adequate gifts left over when my sister-in-law's stocking is full. Frog blankets and frog window chimes and frog candles and frog soaps and frog metal that twirls in the wind.
Besides the point, too.
My sister-in-law has taken a bathroom in Mom's house and filled it with her frogs. Oh, but you should see it. Frogs suspended on swings from the ceiling. Frogs curled up in the soap dish. Cannibal Frogs fishing off the sink and reclining on the back of the toilet, watching you and smiling so wide. They are all watching.
Honestly, still besides the point.
The point is these frogs inspired me. How unappealing they were in this bathroom...but how neat they'd look outside, scattered out in the woods surrounding my mother's house. How cool it would be for an 8 year old, 25 years from now, to be playing down the hill in the trees and find a ceramic frog hiding in the hollow of a tree.
I could not bring myself to steal my sister in law's frogs. But, I had no problem wandering around my mother's enormous house, a swirling vortex of knick-knack crappity whack, stuffing things in my coat pocket.
I wandered the four acres below the house. I tucked a small vase between a rock outcropping, hung a ceramic mask from as high into an oak as I could reach, and buried a nautical scene carved into a sea lion's tusk in a rotting stump.
The best part is, when I was done, I couldn't remember where I'd left anything.
I intend to keep doing this until I no longer have access to the property. She will never miss anything. I am removing some of the rotting albatross of junk from the house I will eventually have to clean out, while sending joy through time to the future.
Lovely.
Besides the point.
My sister-in-law likes frogs. And she is a perfect match for my mother, because she is willing to accept frogs, forever and ever. As a result, many of my own birthday and Christmas gifts are frog-related, perfectly adequate gifts left over when my sister-in-law's stocking is full. Frog blankets and frog window chimes and frog candles and frog soaps and frog metal that twirls in the wind.
Besides the point, too.
My sister-in-law has taken a bathroom in Mom's house and filled it with her frogs. Oh, but you should see it. Frogs suspended on swings from the ceiling. Frogs curled up in the soap dish. Cannibal Frogs fishing off the sink and reclining on the back of the toilet, watching you and smiling so wide. They are all watching.
Honestly, still besides the point.
The point is these frogs inspired me. How unappealing they were in this bathroom...but how neat they'd look outside, scattered out in the woods surrounding my mother's house. How cool it would be for an 8 year old, 25 years from now, to be playing down the hill in the trees and find a ceramic frog hiding in the hollow of a tree.
I could not bring myself to steal my sister in law's frogs. But, I had no problem wandering around my mother's enormous house, a swirling vortex of knick-knack crappity whack, stuffing things in my coat pocket.
I wandered the four acres below the house. I tucked a small vase between a rock outcropping, hung a ceramic mask from as high into an oak as I could reach, and buried a nautical scene carved into a sea lion's tusk in a rotting stump.
The best part is, when I was done, I couldn't remember where I'd left anything.
I intend to keep doing this until I no longer have access to the property. She will never miss anything. I am removing some of the rotting albatross of junk from the house I will eventually have to clean out, while sending joy through time to the future.
Lovely.
posted by Imez at 10:12 PM
9 Comments:
Even as an adult, I am infatuated by the occasional found marble or found child's toy I discover when planting flowers.
AWESOME! I LOVE this idea. You're brilliant, Imez. Very cool idea.
Hee. You are my hero. That's hilarious.
Take some of it with you when you go other places too. What fun!
Meanwhile, the tiny forest gnomes are watching you with their hands on their hips, going, "Holy shit! Do you not understand the concept of a garage sale?"
As a lonely child who used to wander the woods, thank you. I still have incredibly vivid dreams of the things I found, and would have loved to find the things you left. You are magical...
chica- I recently found the corpse of a matchbox car in my new yard and it mighta been King Tut's tomb for how great it felt.
4444- I am brilliant. I am all these things you say.
Princess- Hilarious and very liberating
Meno- Also, if I ever find something really appropriate at a yard sale, I'm probably going to buy it and leave it in a park.
mignon- you cynic...besides, that would require my mother's consent to removing her crap, which is something I'm trying to detour all together.
fancy- I only ever found a weather beaten Hustler when I was a kid. Not magical. SOmething else indeed.
That is f*ing hilarious! I think it's a very dark way of giving and you intrigue me!
First of all, I understand completely about the whole frog thing. My 40 year old sister still gets them. Luckily I never subscribed to anything as much and didn't get labeled, ha ha.
Secondly, I LOVE the idea of the stuff in the forest. My six year old has to have a little packet in his backpack at school because EVERY DAY he finds some tiny treasure. A bead. A little fake jewel. A penny. I swear, every day he finds something. If he visited there and found some real treasure like that in the woods, he would die of joy. I can see his smile now...you're going to really be making someone's day.
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